The author of this short piece,
- Pretend to look at yourself in the mirror and wait for someone else to open the door to a public restroom so you don’t have to touch the door handle.
- If riding public transportation, use a toilet plunger suctioned to the ceiling to hold on to instead of touching the bars.
- Lysol spray your dog and/or cat.
- Wear 2 layers of socks through a TSA checkpoint, so you can throw out the outer layer before putting your shoes back on.
- Make sure that your child is the first child of the day to sit on Santa’s lap, only after confirming that his Santa costume was recently washed.
- If something has E.Coli on it, it HAS been pooped on.
- Just. No. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aj-kwAiO05o#t=174
- Decorate your home with fake flowers because real flowers need standing water, which breeds terrifying germs such as malaria.
- Designate one side of a pillow for when you have just washed your hair, and another for when you haven’t.
- When throwing a party, provide individualized snacks to avoid any double-dipping situation or multiple hands reaching into a bowl.
- Bring your own pen and stylus to avoid touching any public pens or electronic signature pads.
- Take antibiotics any time you or someone in your family thinks they are sick.
- Always have a moisturizing hand sanitizer with you, because your hands get really dry after scrubbing them with antibacterial soap.
- Use a clump of toilet paper to lock the door behind you when you use a bathroom stall. Repeat with a new piece when you need to unlock it.
- Bring disposable gloves with you everywhere you go for instances such as when there is only an air dryer in a single occupancy public restroom.
- Bring disinfecting wipes with you everywhere you go for instances such as when someone else uses your keyboard.
- When bathing at a friend’s house or a hotel, place a towel in the bottom of the shower so you don’t step on the floor of the shower.
- Always have a pre-wrapped straw on hand in case you are eating out at a venue that doesn’t have them.
- Wear a surgeon mask when in densely populated public places, especially in airports.
- Avoid shaking peoples hands, and have emergency hand sanitizer ready in case it’s unavoidable.
- Squat and hover.
- Sort mail with tweezers and wear gloves to avoid touching anything that has traveled through the postal system.
- Take your own condiments with you to a restaurant with you so you don’t have to touch the same dispensers as other people.
- Never use cash and sanitize your credit cards often.
- Dispose of any and all dishes that a dog has ever licked.
- Use a produce bag on each hand while shopping at the grocery store to avoid touching the shopping cart.
- Never set your purse down anywhere in a restroom, but if you must, lay out sheets of toilet paper to set it on.
- Use your elbow to get paper towels out of a non-automatic dispenser.
- Irradiate your vegetables with a UV lamp.
- Only read electronic books on your own personal device because used books (especially library books) are absolutely disgusting.
- Use a touchless toothbrush holder that sanitizes with UV light when toothbrush is not in use.
- Use only antimicrobial laundry detergents.
- Add toilet paper to the water of a public toilet to minimize the chance of any splashing.
- If you are at a friend’s house, use the back of a hand towel to dry your hands, as most people will just use the front.
- Avoid bar soap, but if you have to use it, only use it once.
- Clean out the washing machine with a disinfecting wipe after each use.
- Run your washing machine at a high temperature with several disinfecting chemicals once a week.
- Press elevator buttons with your elbow.
- Use your own purse hook (preferably disposable) to avoid setting your purse down on any public surface.
- Bring your own toilet paper everywhere you go…hmmm, BYOTP.
- Only drink bottled water.
- Over boil, bake, microwave, and/or grill all food.
- Demand disposable clips at the dentist for the plastic bib they put on you.
- Home school your children to avoid the possibility that your child will play a wind instrument in music class.
- Bring disposable bags, extra pre-wrapped silverware, and/or tupperware with you everywhere you go in case someone wants you to share your food with them.
- Hold your breath after flushing the toilet until you are at least 5ft away to avoid breathing in airborne particles of germs.
- Bring a plastic bag to the gym for your dirty workout clothes so they don’t touch the inside of your gym bag.
- Never accept hand-me-downs or shop at goodwill.
- Do not lean against any public walls.
- SHARING IS NOT CARING. Never share razors, water bottles, food items, cell phones, shoes, bags, towels, or air with anybody else
At the end of the article is a short paper, Imagine a Sterile Human Life. It's well-worth clicking on and reading!
The first step is to remove all the bacteria from the inside and outside of your body. This is going to require massive doses of multiple antibiotics so expect to be really sick during this process. And hope you like diarrhea because without your gut microbes… you’ll probably have it for the rest of your (possibly short) life. The removal of all of your gut microbes is also going to dramatically affect what you’ll be able to eat. Most plant matter probably requires help from some of your gut microbes so you may be eating a whole lot of meat. Actually the jury is still out on that one… microbes may be required there as well. In fact it’s possible you’ll be able to eat very little at all and that an IV is going to be the best way to get nutrients into your body. So liquid in and liquid out.
Normally if you remove all the microbes from your skin you’re going to make yourself much more susceptible to something like a fungal infection, but in this case we don’t have to worry about that since you won’t be exposing yourself to any new microbes. I’m guessing multiple showers in various germicidal substances will be required… probably over the course of many days to ensure you get them all.
Be kind to your microbes!